Perfectionism

       I live on a property lined with willow trees along a beautiful flowing river. Although the willows provide a lot of shade and privacy from our neighbors, I don’t like them! In my dreams, I would cut them down and plant beautiful American Sycamores.   

       These willow trees are wild and messy. If you try to prune them, they come back twice the size in a very short period. There is no taming them.  We had a few windstorms this summer. The result was hundreds of broken branches all over my backyard. No drama here, they were everywhere and very frustrating.  This is hard for me because I want things tidy and clean.

       Being in the yard has been a challenge for my perfectionistic side. At first, the messy and chaotic style of these trees drove me nuts. They made me irritable, and did not align with my vision for the yard. I kept thinking about ways to cut them down, plant trees to replace them, etc. None of these ideas was a possibility. 

       I decided I could be frustrated about them for the rest of my life, or change my attitude. In this moment, nature was teaching me a little something about perfectionism. I had to redirect my thoughts and look at the positive. It provides beautiful shade and privacy. The branches and leaves look beautiful when they blow in the wind. I can deal with the fallen branches. I have to, and I have to be okay with imperfection. 

       Over the years, I started planting all sorts of flowers and shrubs. I quickly learned they were to going to test my attitude too. Sometimes they hate the soil they are in and others get diseases and die. I have had flowers thrive and grow without even trying. The weather can be unpredictable and no matter what I do, ultimately I have no control over whether they come back in spring. Bugs, deer, and various creatures can kill a plant or eat the leaves! One year we had aphids take over our cherry tree. You could see black masses of color out my back window. This resulted in stunted, inedible cherries. 

       In the beginning, I moved my plants around, trying to find the perfect arrangement, the perfect layout, and the yard that would live up to my perfect imagination. Over time, I realized there was no such thing as a perfect yard and things out of my control could inevitably happen no matter what I did. 

       I want to thank my yard for bringing out my perfectionistic side. It has helped me recognize in greater depth who is in control. An invaluable life truth. I am learning to let go of control, piece by piece in the garden. This carries on in my life. I will continue to change things in my yard. It is an evolving process and a form of creativity for me, but I will remind myself there is no such thing as perfect and remember to have fun! 

- The Flower Fanatic